When you love tech but hate tech management

Hey guys, this post is a small departure from the content that I usually make. But recent events have caused me to rethink and re-evaluate how to go about conducting myself and how I operate with my superiors, the client support aspect, and even other people at work. I went through the unfortunate experience of losing a colleague. He was my direct report and we worked together side by side for three and a half years. 

I noticed his health was on the decline after we returned to the office during covid; and while I professionally inquired about his well-being, I didn't want to be rude and "push" any further into  his business, as I didn't wanna come-off as unprofessional. 

I knew he wasn't being all the way truthful, but I didn't know what else to do.  Fast forward, I noticed for a period of time, that he was breathing very heavily. It was labored and loud. My concern grew and when I would casually ask him how he was feeling, it was met with a nonchalant "I'm fine, I'm good" and nothing more. I continued to ignore any lingering questions I had, despite hearing his labored breathing continue. 

The day came when he didn't come into the office as he wasn't feeling well, and while I didn't think much of him being out sick, I started to worry once I saw the e-mail going around that he was going into surgery, after he saw the doctor. He didn't return to the office for two weeks. When everyone asked me about him, I relayed what I knew and the immediate response to my statements were "what's he getting surgery for?" I couldn't tell them, as whenever I asked him if he was ok, (via text, I didn't feel comfortable calling) He replied right away, saying he "was good".

 

While that was his default response, I felt ashamed that he never wanted to disclose what was going on and I wasn't in a position to pry that type of information out of him. I continued to tell everyone what I knew so far, while silently worrying about how he was doing. It was the longest he had been out of the office and every passing day I was wondering if something had gone wrong during surgery, and was I going to hear some troubling news.  

He returned to work the third week and when I was arrived and saw his stuff, I exhaled a deep sigh of relief and gave him a hug when I saw him rounding the corner and returning to our work area. I went back to my usual work habits, as I thought everything was back to normal. Once I started hearing his labored breathing again, I started wondering, "what did he have surgery for?".

 

 

I never asked him that, but it I couldn't help wondering what was done in those two weeks. The following Monday he didn't come into work. Although surprised, I thought nothing of it at first. 

While he had only been back in the office for a week, I figured he needed some more time to rest. I became trapped in another work emergency that day and quickly forgot about this, but when I returned to my desk, I couldn't shake this sudden feeling that something wasn't right, when I passed my co-workers chair, on my way to get something. 

Later that afternoon, I received the call and I was shattered.

 

When my supervisor told me that he had passed away that morning, as well as how he found out, and I was in total shock. I didn't know what to say. I was helping a user with a computer refresh and they were in the room when I got the news. They broke down in tears as well, when I told them. That was the beginning of my awakening. After the news finally sank in, I started sobbing. 

I told the woman who was there for the news, to tell whoever she may like to, but I need some time to process this myself and didn't want to answer any questions right now. She understood and offered her condolences and stated that if I needed anything she'd be there. Immediately I went into hiding and avoided anyone who would come running to me; as soon as they heard the news. 

The next three days were hell. I cried, moved my desk to sit somewhere else in the office and I hid in a different conference room everyday. I asked for the next two days off and was denied them, asking if i could reschedule it, until a back-fill was put in place. Mind you by the time that happens, I won't need the time off anymore. 

 

As pissed as I was at my supervisor, He did a good job getting me help, the very next day. 

While that guy isn't new and is now barely at the office; I still don't sit in my old area. It seems kind of omninous to me now. I remember going back there and passing through, I would remember, but it no longer hurt as much. 

But when I sat back there in the room, any little noise I'd hear, I'd wonder if his spirit was lingering. Maybe I watch too many movies, but it definitely feels different back there. 

What bothers me the most is how it only took two days for corporate to go back to normal. It was as if nothing happened. After that I started looking at everything differently. Everything and everything differently. I will say, it's a very sobering feeling seeing where you stand with people. It's all the more disappointing realizing how inconsiderate people can be. 

When I was finally ready to deal with everyone, I took the condolences in stride and after I answered the onslaught of questions; I noticed one underlying theme. 

 

The people I was hoping to and expecting to hear from, never reached out; while the ones I never thought about or considered, messaged me directly. I was surprised and dismayed by it. 

Mainly because some of the people, spoke with my colleague very often and if the roles were reversed, I would have reached out and been more supportive. Immediately I withdrew my support and have changed my stance with those people since. I couldn't, after that. 

 

The days leading up to the funeral processions, I was sick to my stomach. I was not ready to face this man's family. I collected the condolence cards from work, money, gifts, collected signatures on a  sympathy card,  along with flowers I purchased in preparation to visit the funeral home that following Saturday. I missed the viewing, of seeing him one last time before the coffin was closed. Looking back on it now, it might have been for the best. I'll remember how he looked when he was alive. 

The ceremony was good, I met his son, mother, sister, uncle, girlfriend and his friends' and I was touched to see some familiar faces from work there. I gave the cards, money and gifts to his son, the flowers to his mother, gave his sister a hug, spoke to her briefly and watched them carry the coffin out of the funeral home into the hearse.

 

 

I walked around to the front of the building and greeted some of my other co-workers, and after talking for 15 minutes, we all hugged each other goodbye and went on our way. I spent the earlier part of that week and the rest of that weekend, going to different parks that had lakes, and skipping rocks, flying my drone and re-evaluating life. If it's one thing I've taken away from this. Is to please take care of your health.

Take care of your mental, spiritual, financial, emotional and physical health. It is imperative that you don't wait in life as tomorrow's not promised and the next week is not guaranteed. If you have plans to visit a new city, state, country, do an activity or do something new. Don't wait. Plan it as soon as possible and experience it as soon as you can. Your time is truly limited here and don't ever assume you'll have another day, or time later on to do this.